Or, How Power Turns You Into A Jerk – And How To Guard Against It The higher up the management ladder you get, the less you care about or even notice how other people feel. Most of us don’t have to…
10 Ways To Help Someone Close To You Loosen Up Their Limiting Beliefs
Even for experienced coaches and therapists, it’s not easy to help a person change when it’s someone close to you, because you’re emotionally involved yourself. If they’re stuck with a belief system that they know is holding them back, but they just…
How To Build Things That Last – Podcast Interview
I’ve been interviewed by Judy Rees for her Collaboration Dynamics podcast. I thought I didn’t have much to say about collaboration (as I think I usually do my best work solo), until Judy reminded me that I’d created what apparently…
Tips For Sharpening Your Rapport Skills
Following on from previous articles about rapport and how to improve it, here are some ways you can develop your sensory acuity and rapport skills. Remember, it’s one thing to read about NLP and to know about it intellectually, quite…
The ‘Golden Rule’ Is Not Enough
The ‘Golden Rule’ or ‘ethic of reciprocity’ – essentially, ‘treat others as you would like others to treat you’ – is one of the foundation stones of morality, not just in Western thought but in religions and cultures worldwide. It’s…
What Research Says About How To Give Feedback
I came across a useful short article in the New York Times by Alina Tugend summarising research into the effects of ‘bad’ events (setbacks, losses, criticism) versus ‘good’ events (progress, gains, praise): Praise Is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall. This is…
How to deepen your connections to the people you love and admire
Here’s a way to feel better, and make the people you admire or love feel a *whole* lot better, that is really easy to do – in fact it may take less effort than not doing it. Where the idea…
The ‘S.T.I.R.S.’ Model for Emotionally Intelligent Feedback
Bearing the principles for delivering emotionally intelligent feedback from the previous article in mind, here are the steps for actually delivering the feedback. As a reminder that what you should be doing is stirring the recipient to change their behaviour,…
Principles for Delivering Emotionally Intelligent Feedback
Sometimes, when a tough issue needs to be resolved, you have to confront a colleague with your perspective on the consequences of their behaviour. Many managers shy away from doing this, for various reasons: being uncomfortable with confrontation, not wishing…
Why ‘Calibration’ is important in communication
NLP jargon alert! “Calibration”. What on earth does this mean? You know if you have a pair of old fashioned kitchen scales, you have to make sure they are set to zero before you measure something. That way, you are…