Why some coaching questions can do more harm than good Coaching, if we follow Sir John Whitmore’s definition that it’s “helping people to learn rather than teaching them”, is about asking questions to help the ‘coachee’ find their own answers and…
How To Build Your Self-Belief
If you suffer from ‘impostor syndrome’, or your friends sometimes ask why you don’t have as much self-belief as you should have when you are so good at what you do, this article is for you. Belief in yourself comes…
10 Ways To Help Someone Close To You Loosen Up Their Limiting Beliefs
Even for experienced coaches and therapists, it’s not easy to help a person change when it’s someone close to you, because you’re emotionally involved yourself. If they’re stuck with a belief system that they know is holding them back, but they just…
Questions In Coaching (4): ‘Chunking’ Up Or Down
Note: This article follows on from these others in the series: Questions in Coaching (1): Solution-focused or problem focused? Questions in Coaching (2): Presuppositions Questions in Coaching (3): Open versus closed questions Another important distinction in coaching questions is whether…
Ask Yourself This: A Coaching Question You May Not Have Thought Of
Very often in books and articles about goal-setting, one of the questions the author suggests you ask yourself is “What would you have to give up to achieve your goal?” This is a great question, as it reconnects you with…
You can always make a difference
Recently I had some firewood delivered. I live in rural France and our main heat source is our woodburning stoves. Getting good quality firewood is a big deal out here. Last month, with winter getting started, we were running low.…
The CRAFT Model – How To Influence People
This is a simple 5-step process to for influencing people to change their minds. It’s not the only way to do it, but it does give a step-by-step process that I trust you will find useful. The process is derived…
The Emotionally Intelligent Way To Receive Feedback
There are four possible reactions when someone gives us feedback, depending on a combination of how open we are to the feedback and how confident we are in our own ability to handle and learn from challenges. Defensive (Low Openness/Low…
The ‘S.T.I.R.S.’ Model for Emotionally Intelligent Feedback
Bearing the principles for delivering emotionally intelligent feedback from the previous article in mind, here are the steps for actually delivering the feedback. As a reminder that what you should be doing is stirring the recipient to change their behaviour,…
Principles for Delivering Emotionally Intelligent Feedback
Sometimes, when a tough issue needs to be resolved, you have to confront a colleague with your perspective on the consequences of their behaviour. Many managers shy away from doing this, for various reasons: being uncomfortable with confrontation, not wishing…